Unexpected
by Agnie
Summary: When someone overhears an unexpected bit of information in an unexpected conversation, chaos may follow. Especially if that someone is one and only Sirius Black! Just a silly oneshot about Marauders in their Hogwarts years.


**Just a oneshot about Marauders 3 I really love them! It's probably not the best one ever, but I hope that you'll like it anyway. And leave me a review of course ;) I own nothing although I'd really like to own Remus (he's sooo cute ;3)**

 **Crunchie cookie girl**

Sirius Black liked unexpected. He really did. Unexpected trips to Hogsmeade after the curfew. Unexpected occasions to pull pranks on the Slytherins. Unexpected girls to snog in the broom closets which appeared completely unexpectedly just when he needed them. The list was long.

But there was one unexpected thing he despised with passion. And this was unexpected bits of information about his best mates popping up in some random conversations. And he didn't know it before. How was it possible?! He was supposed to tell Sirius. Oh no, Sirius Black won't leave it alone.

"Moony!" he jumped into their dormitory with a yell. "Why didn't you tell me?! Me? How could you? I feel officially rejected!"

Remus put down his book and set it next to him on the bed carefully with a sigh.

"Poor you" he commented. "But would you care to tell me what the hell happened?"

But Sirius was too wrapped in his pity for himself to even pay attention to what his friend was saying.

"And I was such a great friend to you" Sirius continued. "So helpful. And then... You do such a thing to me!"

Remus shoot him a tired look. He liked Sirius, he was really a funny, nice to fool around with mate but sometimes he became unbearable for no reason.

"What exactly did I do?" he tried to push Sirius in the right direction but apparently not very effectively.

"It's this chocolate, isn't it?" he now wondered. "I just knew I shouldn't have eaten this chocolate but it was so irresistible... It was looking at me just like this pretty Ravenclaw fifth year I snogged last week. Forgive me, Moony!"

Remus was staring at him like dumb trying to follow the twisted path of Sirius' thinking. In one moment he was talking snogging and in the other about chocolate. Hell, Remus had no idea what chocolate he was talking about. It was true that Sirius had a rather annoying habit of stealing Remus' chocolate but he didn't recall any of it disappearing recently. Maybe Sirius just messed everything up and the chocolate didn't even belong to Remus.

"Yes, yes, I forgave you for that a long time ago" he assured.

"Thanks Moony, you're golden!"

Remus just rolled his eyes. Only Sirius could be in five different moods in a few minutes.

"But... what's the matter then?" Sirius started walking around the room tripping about everything possible.

"If you're not angry for the chocolate..."

Nope, he definitely wasn't angry because of some damn chocolate he didn't remember having.

"But then..." Sirius continued thinking aloud.

Then he stopped dead in his tracks which in Remus' opinion meant nothing good. It was just as if a brilliant realisation hit him. And in Sirius' case it could mean only trouble.

"Did Prongs know?!"

"Know about what?" Remus emphasised but Sirius of course didn't notice.

"You like him more than me! Prongs! Just how...?!"

"What about me?"

James Potter, quidditch star himself, was standing in the doorway taking in the scene in front of him. He had his broom hung over the shoulder and his usual smile on his face.

But even his appearance wasn't enough to finally distract Sirius from his tragedy.

"I knew it!" he cried. "You're so cruel, Moony!"

"Yeah, whatever" replied Remus, not even bothering to put any emotions into his voice.

The werewolf had already gotten over the first confusion - even sharing the dorm with Sirius for six years couldn't make you familiar with his occasional mood changes - but James didn't. Neither did he get what was it all about and what did he have to do with it. Skipping Sirius, who was in no condition to explain anything, he went straight to Remus.

"What happened to him?" he asked pointing to Sirius.

Remus shrugged.

"I wish I knew. He won't stop talking about something which, according to him, I didn't tell him"

James raised his eyebrows, looking from one Marauder to the other, certain that this all was some kind of a prank.

"Hmm, and what didn't you tell him?"

"As I said, I have no idea"

"Then it's probably nothing important. You know Sirius, maybe too much snogging eventually got to his head."

Remus nodded.

"I always knew that it would happen one day" he said thoughtfully.

"It was bound to" James agreed. "I'm going to take the shower."

Remus grimaced at the idea. He didn't want to be left alone at the mercy of crazy Sirius.

"I'll be back in a minute" James assured, noticing his expression.

Remus didn't argue although he knew that it was going to be much more than a minute. Instead he turned his attention to Sirius in vain hope that he would finally say - even by accident, it was Sirius after all - what was bothering him.

"You know what, Moony?!" he now exclaimed. "I don't even care if you told me but you should have. I could have gave you so much useful advice! Jeez, Moony, she's not even that pretty!"

Well, that was something new.

"Who?"

"And you're still trying to deny it!" yelled Sirius from across the room pointing his finger at Remus accusingly. "No use! I know about everything!"

"I'm not denying anything, I just don't know what you're talking about"

"You don't know?! Ha, that's bloody funny, Moony! I think I'll die out of laughter!"

At this point Remus just wanted to either kill himself or get out of the dorm. Or maybe earplugs would be better.

He was saved by Peter - Remus could swear that he was never happier to see him - who just entered the dorm, a broom in hand. Remus felt sorry for him. It was no big secret that he was practising because he wanted to join Gryffindor Quidditch Team. It was also no big secret that he didn't stand any chance.

"Where's James?" poor boy asked, looking at Sirius with wide eyes.

"Showering" replied Remus but no one heard him since Sirius chose that moment to interrupt again.

"You too, Pete?! You all prefer James!? No one loves Sirius Black!"

Peter probably still was too shocked to get what was going on.

"And all of the girls you snog every day?" Remus joked lamely.

It was a mistake.

"They can't love me with a true selfless manly mately love!"

Remus wondered if half of the adjectives used by Sirius were real words. Never mind, his talk making him sick. Manly mately love?

"But Padfoot" Remus used Sirius nickname to make things a little better. "No one here prefers James over you. We like you both, sure Pete?"

"Yep" Peter chimed. "I was looking for James just to tell him that Evans..."

But he didn't even get a chance to finish the sentence because James chose this particular moment to literally run out of the bathroom with only a towel on. He even forgot about his glasses and tripped over the bucket, his own broom and a couple of other things before he got to Peter.

"Lily?! Who? What? Where?" were the first words that left his mouth.

For emphasis he grabbed Peter by the shoulders and shook him with every word.

"Whoa, mate, you really have an obsession" stated Sirius. "And you prefer him!"

The last part was obviously addressed to Peter and Remus. The latter just rolled his eyes.

"James, calm down! And put poor Peter down" he commanded.

"But I heard someone talking about Lily!" James tried to defend himself.

"Sure I was" Peter admitted. "But just to tell you that she told me to tell you..."

"Yes, yes, just follow Wormy logic! It'll get you nowhere" Sirius bitterly commented.

James threw a bucket at him, but due to the lack of glasses, obviously .

"Shh, Paddy, I'm listening here"

"So she told me to tell you..."

"How can you say 'told me to tell you'?" It was Remus this time. "I mean... Is it even grammatically correct? And it sounds horrible"

"GUYS, CAN I JUST HEAR THE BLOODY MESSAGE?!" James shouted, becoming irritated.

"Oh, sorry" Remus quickly backed off and gestured for Peter to continue.

"So she told me to tell that Roberta Jones, this Ravenclaw I mean, told her she wants to snog you so you don't have to ask her out to Hogsmeade next weekend. Just didn't get whether it was sarcasm or not"

For a minute the dorm was silent. Then probably the most unexpected person decided to speak.

"I just wonder" Sirius said sarcastically. "How is it possible that Moony didn't know about it before"

"Oh, Merlin" James said almost at the same time, finally regaining some composure "I don't even like her... Wait, Paddy, what were you saying? Why in the world Moony should have known about it before?"

Now it was Sirius' turn to roll his eyes. How could his mates be so dumb not to see the connection? Unless, of course, they were all just pretending. Except for Peter maybe. He was far too bad of a liar for that.

"Oh" he scolded. "Why should he have known before, let's say, dear Wormy here? Because it's his girlfriend after all!"

Now, his words were a sensation. The three fellow Marauders could do nothing but stare at Sirius, trying to figure out what he was talking about. James was the first one to jump to conclusions.

"So..." he asked in a dangerous tone. "YOU'RE DATING LILY EVANS?!"

"Have you gone crazy?!" Remus shouted. "Of course, I'm not dating her. She's a nice girl, sure, but she's taken. I respect. You're my friend, James. I wouldn't do it to you."

If James thought about it. Remus was just Remus. Werewolf, Prefect Moony, annoying git obsessed with chocolate sometimes. But he was also James' friend and he knew that he didn't need to worry about Lily.

"But Padfoot just said..."

Remus cut him off quickly.

"I don't care what Padfoot just said. Hell, I don't understand what Padfoot is saying this whole time"

"Don't swear Moony, you're a prefect"

"Yes, yes, sure thing" he resisted the urge to roll his eyes yet again, Being a prefect didn't make him saint.

"Padfoot, just stop it! If you're mad at Moony just tell us but don't play this game with us anymore. It's tiring as hell!"

Now Sirius was staring at them in disbelief. Prongs was supposed to know about it all.

"You mean you two really don't know?" he asked James and Peter.

They nodded, not daring to interrupt Sirius in case he changed his mind and chose not to tell them anything.

"So I was the first one to find out?"

Another nod.

"Bloody perfect! How come I still feel bad because he never chose to tell me!"

"Tell you what?" Peter mastered the courage to ask.

"Moony has a girlfriend!" he shouted, triumph clear in his voice.

If he was waiting for a huge wave of protest from James and Peter, it never came. For Sirius' taste, this was the moment when everything started to become very suspicious.

"And who is she?" asked James.

Now Sirius really started to consider him a lot better at being a friend. He was only waiting for this question.

"It's Roberta, this Ravenclaw girl. I heard her conversation with Alice Prewett. They were talking about Roberta getting Moony to date her and Prewett asking Frank Longbottom to help her with Charms essay."

"And that's where I get confused. You sure, Paddy? Roberta Jones? She's like... really annoying." James finally regained his abilities to speak.

"Yes, I told him the same thing" agreed Sirius. "But wait a minute... You're not mad at him?!"

"Why should we be mad?" Peter joined the conversation.

"For not telling you, obviously!"

"But Padfoot" James tried to convince him. "You don't even know when they got together. I'm sure that Moony would have told us eventually."

Sirius snorted. There was logic in James' words. Maybe he was just jealous that even Alice Prewett knew about it and he didn't. In fact he was probably more mad at Moony because he never asked Sirius - Sirius Black, sex god of Hogwarts - for advice on this whole Roberta.

"Well, what time is it?" he asked glancing at the clock. "Merlin's pants, I have a meeting in ten minutes! Have to go! Snogging can't wait!"

After he exited the dorm, none of the Marauders knew what to say. Finally Remus regained his voice but instead of commenting what has just happened he started laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks. Peter and James were staring at him in total confusion.

"Has Moony gone crazy?" asked Peter, worry clear in his voice.

James shrugged.

"I dunno. Moony, mate, what the bloody hell is so funny?!"

By this time Remus was bent over from laughing and it took him at least half a minute to calm down.

"Because it seems like Sirius" he tried to explain between fits of uncontrollable laughter. "It seems like he mistook people"

"What? So you're dating Prewett and not this Ravenclaw, whatever her name was?" James tried desperately to catch up.

Remus shook his head.

"Nah. It's just that Alice and Frank have been dating for a few days now"

"So?" asked two other Marauders at the same time.

"And Roberta recently asked me to help her with the Charms essay"

"So?"

"While Sirius was eavesdropping on them, he must have misheard something and understood that Roberta and I are dating and Frank is helping Alice with her Charms essay, not the other way around"

Then finally it all started making sense. Suddenly all three of them were doubled over in laughter. Peter even fell off the bed to the floor, just to keep laughing on the rug.

"Well" commented James, wiping away tears of laughter. "It was definitely unexpected."


End file.
